14 August 2009


gosh darn
enough of That.


So last night I stayed up late late, caught up with all of you for the first time in a long while. I stayed up until I couldn't, and I slept through until my usual 5am waking. Crazy ass cinematic nightmares featuring spiders of every kind size and number. Good lord. What was that about? Anyway, glad I slept but I do feel a bit like crap, like I pulled an all-nighter, that heavy armed, heavy brained feeling of moving through mud, and a hole in my chest like emptiness surrounded by fluttery oddness.

On my way home from yoga last night, it was after 8, twilight, and the sky was streaked with lavender and peach. There is a field filled with tall dried golden grass, and the field lies not quite flat. Sometimes there are sheep in that field, but not lately. And since the ice storm, there are thick downed branches. Last night fog was rising from that golden grass, and the color of the grass, the glowing lavender fog, the softness of the light and the soft folds of the field, and the sharp dark branches close to the road, Oh it was so lovely. I pulled off and watched through the trees that line the road-- watched the fog rise and move, watched the glowing light.


Michele said...

the sky and the fog sound so beautiful.... I can close my eyes and see it. :)

Kate said...

You have a gift for helping me see things through your eyes. Beautiful scene.

Becky (UK) said...

Ive only just found your blog. I had googled 14dpo in hope of finding some sucess stories. Ive read thru your test days and can relate to everything u have been going thru. Having done ivf 4 times myself (3rd one worked but sadly no HB at our 8 weeks scan) i kno exactly what u are going thru. Im 14dpo today, and still peeing on negative sticks ... i wish i could change things, but i know i cant. Im giving up the fight but i didnt want to read about yours and run. I wish you all the sucess for the future, and i dearly hope you get your dream come true. Ours has sadly come to an end, but my hope lives on in women like you. Reach for the stars hun, go out there and get your dream ... dont give up!

Becky Xxxxxxxx

B. said...

Geez, I miss NH. Thank you for drawing such a beautiful image!

Jenn said...

Sweet sweet Kate,

Thank you for painting a beautiful virtual picture of what you saw last night! You have such a way of giving depth and focus to what you write.

Sorry for my hiatus - just not in a good place. It sounds like everyone in the blogosphere as of late is having a crappy time.

May that turn around soon!

Hugs and peace to you my dear friend!

Hope said...

What a beautiful image, so peaceful. Sometimes in the midst of our grief it helps to marvel at natures beauty, it makes us thankful for many other small blessings in life.

Melissa said...

When I close my eyes I can picture it.

Barefoot said...

Mmmm, I love fog.

Sorry to hear about the strange dreams -- it's always kind of a bummer when you sleep through the night and end up feeling MORE tired.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

You made me want to get in my car and go there. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Hope said...

I nominated you for a One Lovely Blog Award

Sarah said...

I am Sprogblogger's mom and just want you to know how much I appreciate your support for her. I know you two have never met but I am sure you would be best friends if you did. Kate, I almost feel as if I know you through your wonderfully warm and gracious comments.
Thank you and God Bless
Sarah: sarziej@gmail.com

IF Optimist, then... said...

I am so glad you stopped and enjoyed the beauty of the evening, but most of all I thank you so much for bringing us with you in your heart.

What IF? said...

After all you have been through, I marvel that you have not lost your sense of wonder and awe. That you can pull over, watch the fog, and then transport us to a place of such beauty.

I love so much about you and your perspective on the world. What impresses me most is your strength and ability to live in the moment despite all the "noise."