09 March 2009

s l o w l y

Hi folks, I was away for the weekend- to my sister's house for sister therapy (THANKS SARAH)-- seriously, nothing is better. Thank you all for the kind comments. It really means a lot to me to hear your voices, to receive support from folks in the same regatta. I admit I felt wrecked last week, not the bone-deep essential point-of-no-return wreck, but a mottled, lumpy wreck, the one that flirts with moments of lost hope, the one that imagines bad outcomes, many kinds of bad outcomes, and one deep enough so I could not quite kick myself out of the bad energy spiral that goes down, down, down. But remember how I said optimisiKate would reappear? Well she did. By friday night I was at the point of: If this gets canceled, I will do another cycle, this time lupron flare. If this one gets far enough that there is some response but not enough follicles for IVF, I will convert the cycle to IUI and not waste all those friggin injections. And with those plans, I felt more ok waiting until monday and see where I really was rather than where I was afraid I might be. 

And so this is the Monday story.

E2 244. Endometrial lining is thickening  s  l  o  w  l  y which at least shows something is happening. One follicle > 10mm, "several" more smaller ones, too small to measure. But slow progress is not the same thing as no progress so we persist.  My prolactin level is still sub normal (!) and my dear nurse Sharon suggested "ice cream and breast stimulation can make a slight increase but that would be a bit difficult to maintain for a prolonged effort. BUT might offer some diversion."  Indeed.

So-- medications ordered (1200 worth, 4 days worth)-- next ultrasound scheduled for early wednesday morning just to see what's happening. The assumption is this might just be a very slow cycle. But wednesday is only day 10 of stims. So it is not as long as it feels. Last time, I'd been on lupron for so long, when I started stims it felt pretty fast-- I saw progress so soon (not many follicles but obvious growth each ultrasound). Today I looked and saw very little. Very few follicles. Just one bigger one. That's it. So not the same visit-to-visit affirmation that Things Are Working. But, even with that in mind, I am ok. Let's see what happens. See how this plays out.

Remember how my hCG level was really low the day of my non-retrieval last cycle?  And how this one I have to do an IM shot to improve the chances of correct dosing? Well, I asked about whether whateveritwas that interfered with the hCG absorption could be impacting the stim drugs since it is the same belly fat, the same kate-- and Sharon said maybe-- so after wednesday, I make take the rest of my injections intramuscularly-- so please, send some nice stim thoughts my way, I sure would be willing to do that if necessary, but it sure would be nice if I did not have to. And so help me, it was all I could do to not name this post "breast stimulation and ice cream".


IVF 40+ said...

Terrific news! I have been following your blog for a while now and really admire your determination. And I am totally stealing the breast stimulation!! Lots of great stim luck to you. EB

Grade A said...

Always something new. Always something more circus-like than you could ever have imagined. Breast stimulation and ice cream. DO have fun with that!!

I am so glad optimisticKate came back, b/c I know it's hard to control the roller coaster, but I also know it just feels better to have a positive purpose to all that needle jabbing.

May slow and steady be the way you win the race.

Joannah said...

Praying for you! I hope you can stay in the place you are right now. Pursue peace, my friend.


Anonymous said...

I hate being 42. It takes all the fun out of IVF. Assuming that there ever was fun in doing IVF


What IF? said...

Breast Stimulation & Ice Cream. Great name for a rock band... :P

Hoping the IM injections aren't needed, but I admire your courage to do whatever it takes. Good luck with the stimming. I hope your lining continues to cooperate, and that the follies get on board too.