21 March 2009


Today is the first day of spring I think. Sunshine is pouring in and I can see all of the dust and cat and kate hair that have escaped my usually-home-in-the-dark swiffering.  I am happy to say my flu thingy is abating, leaving me pooped out, but much improved-- nothing aches but the raw skin under my nose.  I am so glad the bug did not stick around for the full 5-7-10 days that these things can take. I actually feel human.  Wish I had enough umph to hike since my soul could sure use it, but I don't.  But since it is nearly 40 (and around these parts that counts as warm) I may play in the exposed part of my garden (remove the dead things so the new growth can come up, feng shui and all that). The vast majority of my cleared spaces are still snow covered-- and not lightly either-- 2' in the back yard still, and huge piles around the edges of the front from the plow.  The ice storm damage is amazing -- as the snow pulls back, it is getting much more obvious just how many branches fell and the woods all around here are filled with broken bits and dangling branches, bright new wood where branches broke off.  A local forester said that even though we tend to look at this as bad- this kind of wreckage, this kind of loss is really critical to forest health-- both in terms of the lifecycle of trees and the forest itself, and in terms of wildlife habitat.  So while I think it looks awful, and all I can see is how much work it will take to restore any sense of order -it is an opportunity for new things to grow.

Not meaning to jinx anything IUIish (I am not quite halfway through the two week wait), I went ahead and made a phone appointment with CCRM for the second week of April (their earliest if I wanted to speak with Dr. Schoolcraft himself).  I am needing to get my shit together and fill out paperwork and contact doctors-- I need to identify someone local who would help me coordinate my testing/monitoring and also take me through the first 12 weeks should I be so lucky. I want to ask my maternal and fetal medicine guy if I can use him for this. We had great rapport, he did not blow sunshine up my skirt, but he did make me feel safe and in good hands. So, I think I will ask him first. The drive sure would be shorter (1 hour instead of 2-- yes, I live in the sticks).

So much great news out there with the women I have been cycling with and around-- and some sad and difficult news too.  Sweet and generous hearted Joannah could use some love after some shitty beta news.  And Mo could use some love and support since a recent rash of negative pee sticks are sapping the hope out of her cycle.

I just wish this would be easier for all of us. I used to have this funny idea about fertility, back in the days where it was something to avoid rather than pay for-- that is should be more like nuclear send codes-- that two operatives would need to turn two keys simultaneously while muttering some voodoo code words in order to even activate the process.  Now I realize that it would be great if only it were so easy.


What IF? said...

The symbolism of your post really struck me. Perhaps there is something about the IF suffering (broken bits, devastation) that will ultimately lead to new, stronger human life and health too.

I hope your maternal and fetal medicine guy works out. Enjoy soaking up the sunshine today. Take it slow, though. The daylight swiffering can wait.

Nic said...

There is no harm in being a little hoping and preparing. hope this 2 week wait goes quickly for you

onwardandsideways said...

FWIW... I like Schoolcraft. His demeanor is sort of shy, but he gets down to business. And I do feel that he gave my case individual attention. I had the feeling that he was mentally running all the factors and my history in his head against years of experience every time we met with him. Of course, he could have been thinking about lunch. :P

And yeah... the bad news sucks, big time. So much suffering.

Enjoy your spring thaw!

Joannah said...

Forty, huh? It's about 65 outside, and I consider that chilly this time of year. I'm a weather wimp.

Thanks for the nod. I'm feeling the love. So many good-hearted people all around carrying us through these difficult days.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.


Anonymous said...

i agree...i really just wish that it would be easy.

...oh to be blissfully ignorant!