I can't whistle: rookie mistake

04 March 2009

rookie mistake

One bruise-- a rookie mistake, a quick jab in a rush in a bathroom at work (sounds naughty) but really, I did not look well enough and since I am down a few pounds my usual cushion is smaller and... as soon as I pulled the needle out I knew.

Otherwise, headachy, getting tired faster, a few twinges in my innards but really, I'm ok so far. It is weird to think of stimming without suppression--who knows what is going on in there! Sweet commenters, thank you-- not sure I would say I have inner peace, or clarity, or a good attitude but I am trying to stay calm(er), and seeing if I can stay positive. Friday will help me a lot if things look good. I tell myself that this will turn out better this time around, and I am hopeful it will-- but really? how do I know? I don't. I just hope. I'm a hoper from way back.

At the library now with two friends to write-- will shoot up in the bathroom here slowly and carefully-- and-- happily before and after I'll be working a bit on my novel. Ciao.

5 comments:

Maredsous said...: Can't wait to hear about your follies on Friday. You know it has to go better this time. I am sure EFS won't happen twice.; March 5, 2009 at 12:30 AM
Grade A said...: Shooting up in the bathroom will be a great story to share when this all works out. I am hoping and wishing that it will. And I agree with Maresdous: I think you touched bottom last time. Always good to know the parameters. As my friend says: "when you touch bottom, kick off from it and float back up to the top."; March 5, 2009 at 7:56 AM
Grade A said...: oops-"Maredsous"; March 5, 2009 at 7:57 AM
Sarah said...: i've been shooting up since 2005 and still get bruises sometimes. i envy your lack of cushion though!; March 5, 2009 at 9:10 AM
Joannah said...: I have a couple of real ugly bruises on my belly. Oh, well...

I hope tomorrow's US looks really good!!!; March 5, 2009 at 7:45 PM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham