It is not positive yet, which is my way of nicely avoiding saying it is negative.
Tried two tests because I am kate-- same clear result. I will test again sunday (when it will be 14 days past IUI and therefore, theoretically 14 days past ovulation), but without even a ghost of a line today, I feel it is unlikely (unless I ovulated several days past IUI which seems crazy). But, as always, I will play this out since it really is not entirely over yet.
I am sad but trying not to be consumed. In many ways I really am ok so far. Really. In all of this shit that has been this cycle, one great thing has happened: I feel connected to the maybe. I am not sure where that maybe is, or when or how we will meet, but I think it will happen. (Thanks Elma! Thanks self!)
I lay in bed afterwards for my post-progesterone suppository lie-in, and put my hands on my belly and just breathed. I tried to focus on being thankful- thankful to my body for taking all the abuse this month, the injections, the hormones, the rummaging and searching and scoping, the soreness... and also for the successes, 4 follicles is better than none. And with the doc conversation happening in April, we have a while before we jump back in to needles and whathaveyou... So here's a positive thing: If I am not pregnant, I can stop these fucQing suppositories. I could almost feel gleeful about that. But not quite.