Dang I am tired. More than a few hours of low level emotional strungoutness, some cautious hopefulness mixed with considerable nervousness, well, it eats my energy.
It is cd13, LH+ this morning (thank you, you friggin fickle pee stick god).
Boston IVF? well, it was interesting.
The doctor was nice, polite, considerate, thoughtful. I had an exam I was not expecting. A full one, inside, outside. Up and down. And well, he said I appear to be terrifically healthy which is grand and apparently my uterus is smooth and I have nice cervical mucus. Um, thanks?
He'd do an IVF with me and absolutely thinks it is worth trying again even though he knows and acknowledged it would be challenging due to my age. He would not do PGD. He affirmed a conclusion I already reached-- anything other than polar body testing can damage an otherwise perfectly normal embryo, and if one is not working with many embryos, the risk is too high. His philosophy for someone of my age is to set out to make as many embryos as possible and literally put them all back. And then, simply let them sort it out-- the ones that are healthiest will stay longer.
He said he believes that any pregnancy is better than no pregnancy since each one has a better than 50% chance of going to term so "the odds are in your favor". Hm. An interesting philosophy.
What are the benefits of switching clinics? A few additional bloodtests and maybe some more insight into my egg quality and quantity, the addition of DHEA (I will take it anyway-- for those of you following along: 25mg 3x/day, EXCEPT for the two days before each potentially expected period, this stuff is not to be used in pregnancy if you can avoid it-- then, if the period comes, start back up again. Benefits in 4 months (yup 4, consistent with what I've read)-- and issues? hairy chin, acne. Hell, I'm halfway there already... )
And perhaps the clearest psychological benefit (and psychological challenge): the expectation that we would do IVF. Not IUI with potential for conversion.
Downsides-- it is in Boston which is a pain in the ass to drive to, I would need two appointments down there for testing prior to cycle kickoff, I did not feel great about the vibe in his office (blaring daytime TV, and an almost half hour wait for my appointment) or his office staff (although they were not un-nice), the cost is considerably higher than where I am now and I need to make sure it is worth it, and he wants to do another saline hysteroscopy...
Oh and he would go back to the long lupron protocol which means two months for every cycle, and his highest doses of stims are slightly higher than the place I am currently cycling-- one more vial of follistim a day than I do now which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it.
He did say if I am ever interested, I'd make a great candidate for DE and he also mentioned it just once, just at the very end. Said he felt I'd have a 50% chance per cycle if not higher. I told him it was out of my price range at the moment and he understood, but he also understood that that is just not where I am yet.
So given all that I learned, at least at this moment, this one- I guess I am not feeling compelled to make a clinic change. I did not feel there was going to be enough difference I guess-- enough philosophical difference or scientific difference or a larger dose of lady luck.
I do not have to decide today.
And maybe I will just get pregnant this cycle of fireflies and the beginning of summer and rain and rain and rain.
And if not, well... good to know I have options even if none of them is presenting itself as the obvious "right one" to take.