22 June 2009

Fireflies!

For the first time ever I am having mid-month bleeding/spotting that started yesterday, it is CD12, and for the past two days I've been crampy on and off...I have never had this before and it is a little freaky. Ovulation bleeding? Maybe, but I have yet to surge. Only one faint line on the LH kit mid-day yesterday, not even close to a positive but it was good to see, made me feel as if I were heading in the right direction. But a mere 6 hours later a repeat test showed only a ghost. I hate pee sticks. I feel like they are playing with me. Yes! No! Maybe! Not so fast! Tricked you! Haha, take that silly hope!
Stupid sticks.



Tomorrow I meet with Dr O down in Boston-- I am curious about how it will be, and am nervous already although I know it is a complete waste of energy to be nervous--of course that does not stop me, I am anyway. I do not know why I persist in hoping for an intellectual over-ride when it comes to these things. My body does its thing, gets all tangled and jangly, then my mind gets into it-- "there, there, no need to feel that way". Tough noogies. It just is. Body wins.

Oh internet, I just want to be pregnant already. I am tired of this bullshit of cycle hyperawareness and nervousness and worry and schedule crapola... even though folks have been on this ride oh so much longer than I have. It looks like I have a business trip in mid July-- the timing dictated by a tradeshow (any of you in San Francisco?), and I hope it is not at a time where I need to be monitored or inseminated or... so help me if the trip screws up my ability to cycle, I'll be one seriously crazy lady.

On a positive note, as a balm to my solstice blues, I saw two fireflies last night-- the first of the season for me-- and I am totally delighted. It is early yet, and to see them was pure magic.

IFblues/frustration and happy firefly bliss.
Emotional dichroism..

12 comments:

Michele said...

first, i hope your trip to sf doesnt screw w/ your cycle either- that would suck! sorry, i'm in pa- any tradeshows near philly, look me up! :)

i hope the midcycle bleeding is just another fun sigh of things working out. after nick and sophie were born, i had some bleeding off and on until i started injections again.

fingers still crossed!!!

sprogblogger said...

UGH. Hope the trip doesn't mess with your cycling plans - Confession: the main reason I wanted an "unmedicated" FET was because a medicated cycle would have placed me at transfer while I was planning to be in Arizona.

I love fireflies, too. Haven't seen any yet, but they're my favorite part of summer in the east. Take care, and hope the bleeding subsides quickly. Midcycle bleeding just plain sucks.

alyssa said...

you know me well enough to know i don't believe in "signs". that said, the one time i had mid-cycle spotting/ovulatory bleeding it kept me away from being in wrong place/wrong time scenario. (i was a teenager, so i don't mean to sound cryptic. it was a very easy way to say, "hey, i can't do this right now because... hey, i have my period.)

anyway, take this for what it is, silly anecdote.

love you.

Sarah said...

pee sticks are evil, they really are. OPKs are the worst of them. its so much nicer to have a camera shoved up there, and that's really saying something, isn't it?

good luck with the trip/cycle timing, and hope to hear good things about the appointment!

just me, dawn said...

thanks for your comment to me this morning, we got our miracle number from the bloodwork.
I am hoping that your trip and cycle don't conflict....that made me a little crazy too with injections, etc...hoping yours works out perfectly. and SF is so beautiful :)

IVF 40+ said...

fireflies have always fascinated me - they are magical and mysterious. They are hereby designated as a mythical fertility sign and she that sights them first (thats you Kate) is doubly blessed

good luck tomorrow sweetie.

My Reality said...

When I was a kid, we lived in Tennessee and the fireflies there were amazing. When they would glow, my brother and I would pull the light off and smear it all over each other. Horrid and cruel, yes, but it amused us greatly.

I hope that everything works out schedule wise.

Nic said...

I am sorry you are feeling so frustrated. Really hope your trip does not muck your cycle up.
Good luck with your appt in boston. Hope all goes well
Take care

twoweekwait said...

I got light spotting when I ovulated and conceived. The tests I've heard usually show the line after the time has almost passed, so it could be in line with what you saw. I hope its it!

IF Optimist, then... said...

I don't know what to say about the mid-cycle spotting except that sometimes in the past if I over-exerted myself (too strenuous a bike ride or hike) that I had problems with spotting, but that may just be my wonky uterus. As for the OV predictor pee sticks, ARRRGHHHH! Those things generally only gave me faint positives. I think it's because I tend to drink at least a liter of water every day. So I dunno. I say do it like bunnies no matter what! As far as SF goes, baby THAT IS MY TOWN!!! I lived there for 10 years before moving to Seattle. I'll send you a separate email, but I may just have to drive my keister down there and take you to the best sites/food/etc. The King Tut exhibit is there right now too.

K said...

Hiya...wow, wish I could be in SF with you next month! Used to live there, had a recent 2nd opinion there. Could hitch a ride with IF Optimist, I suppose. ;) Anyway, hope you are well. Happy you are exploring the Boston option.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Hey K! I say...ROAD TRIP!!!!