I feel really weird not DOING anything this cycle. Yes, I am counting days. Yes, I am taking my temperature. Yes I will start testing for the elusive LH surge on day 9 or so. And yes we will, you know, do stuff. But, I was all geared up to be actively doing makeready stuff every day, injections, packing my little inject-in-the-parking-lot-or-bathroom kit, early morning bloodwork and ultrasounds and monitoring oh my!.... and it just feels weird to be doing this little, and every day I feel like I've forgotten to do something really important.
I have shitty anxiety dreams of many kinds, but a frequent theme is one in which I suddenly realize I never graduated from college (I did) because I simply stopped going to one of the classes, and it feels as if I had just simply forgotten to attend-- and there is this huge rush of panic/embarrassment-- ohmygodwhatcanIdoit'stoolate...
and I worry that somewhere around the 28th, when we are past the ovulation window, I'll realize that we missed it. That I missed it.
So there's this lunar orbiter that is supposed to launch wednesday, and the space shuttle might also be cleared to launch on wednesday after having its hydogen leak repaired, and they are juggling schedules and priorities since if the moon orbiter does not launch wednesday it has to wait two more weeks for things to realign....lucky lunar orbiter: only 2 weeks between moon shots. Down here on earth, it's twice as long when we're lucky.
um, Elizabeth had a good point in her sweet comment, I forgot, I am doing something(s): weekly acupuncture, and vitamins, and eating well (no wheat, eggs, dairy, red meat, caffeine) and exercising (yoga, hiking) and... just not what I expected to be doing.
And you know that feeling I was having that I was forgetting something kinda important? Well, my big head thwacking remembering was this-- oh, right, CCRM phone appointment tomorrow (I had completely forgotten). I wrote myself a note (stress eats brains, I am convinced). I'll update after that, I promise. Stress, the final frontier.