15 June 2009

moon shot (updated)

I feel really weird not DOING anything this cycle. Yes, I am counting days. Yes, I am taking my temperature. Yes I will start testing for the elusive LH surge on day 9 or so. And yes we will, you know, do stuff. But, I was all geared up to be actively doing makeready stuff every day, injections, packing my little inject-in-the-parking-lot-or-bathroom kit, early morning bloodwork and ultrasounds and monitoring oh my!.... and it just feels weird to be doing this little, and every day I feel like I've forgotten to do something really important.

I have shitty anxiety dreams of many kinds, but a frequent theme is one in which I suddenly realize I never graduated from college (I did) because I simply stopped going to one of the classes, and it feels as if I had just simply forgotten to attend-- and there is this huge rush of panic/embarrassment-- ohmygodwhatcanIdoit'stoolate...

and I worry that somewhere around the 28th, when we are past the ovulation window, I'll realize that we missed it. That I missed it.

So there's this lunar orbiter that is supposed to launch wednesday, and the space shuttle might also be cleared to launch on wednesday after having its hydogen leak repaired, and they are juggling schedules and priorities since if the moon orbiter does not launch wednesday it has to wait two more weeks for things to realign....lucky lunar orbiter: only 2 weeks between moon shots. Down here on earth, it's twice as long when we're lucky.

um, Elizabeth had a good point in her sweet comment, I forgot, I am doing something(s): weekly acupuncture, and vitamins, and eating well (no wheat, eggs, dairy, red meat, caffeine) and exercising (yoga, hiking) and... just not what I expected to be doing.

And you know that feeling I was having that I was forgetting something kinda important? Well, my big head thwacking remembering was this-- oh, right, CCRM phone appointment tomorrow (I had completely forgotten). I wrote myself a note (stress eats brains, I am convinced). I'll update after that, I promise. Stress, the final frontier.


Elizabeth said...

Hi Kate -- I hope you're not mad about my tee-shirt mistake. . .and that you get the one you want if you want one. I hesitate to offer advice of any kind, but it seems like I've read that you've used acpuncture before; it might be worth including some in your plans for this month. When I was doing IVF I read and was really moved by Randine Lewis' book on acpuctunure and IF and ART. It really convinced me of the potential benefits. Maybe you're already there; but, it could be something to help this month along. . .. Love to you,

Nic said...

Sorry that this month is not involving much doing. Must be frustrating. Hope CCRM phone appointment goes well

sprogblogger said...

Ugh. I know the feeling. Here's hoping that the month goes by quickly, that the CCRM appointment is enlightening, and that all of the precautions you are taking add up to a fantastic cycle next month - or, better yet, a natural, this month! Thinking of you.

Michele said...

Bummer. I'm sorry. :( But you are doing stuff! You are taking care of yourself, temping, checking for O, and getting busy- those are important! Not to mention, the yoga, acup, and hiking. All good things. Crossing my fingers, that even if it isnt what you'd hoped this month, it still happens.

Anonymous said...

Even when you are doing all those things, it somehow doesn't seem like enough. I know that feeling.

I totally get where you are coming from on DE. You gotta try all you've got.

Anonymous said...

I feel like I am not doing anything either - but I am guzzling caffeine and eating like crap and low and behold AF showed up 8-9 days early - wtf???

Sigh. This all sucks.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Also Kate, don't forget that you are percolating those totally awesome 14 follicles. 14! WOOT! No drugs in the world could have magically created those at your baseline. It's all YOU baby. Thanks for stopping by my blog and giving me your kind words. It means a lot. OXXO - Traci

IVF 40+ said...

Yeah sounds to me like your totally slacking off in the activity department!! Good lord women, you are being more disciplined that Ulma Therma in Kill Bill.
OK ... time for the little Kates gonna have a baby jig. Hey, what are you doing for fun?

Elizabeth said...

Go body. . .go spirit. . .go Kate. Here's hoping for you this month. At the (very) least, I hope you, you know, enjoy the process.

Jenn said...

Sweet sweet Kate,

Sending you one AWESOME fantastic super big hug!


Grade A said...

Dear Kate,

Sending you good vibes for tomorrow (and I will have lots of good vibes to share, 'cause it's my birthday). I will be away for a week, but thinking of you all the same.