in the middle of in between

5 or 6 dpo (fertility friend says 6)

twingy feelings lower right uterine area for two days, just like I felt last time on the left. I am wondering, in spite of all I know. And yes, I am hoping.

Bottoms off and on the table had a recent entry about hope that is really funny and really true. She is a great writer with a knack of just saying it like it is and that particular entry? pure genius. I am a hope ho. No question.

Me? a mixture of wild spring greens.

blissed out about sprogblogger's lovely ongoing pregnancy. 

adrift in the middle of my latest 2 week wait. Wondering, thinking, asking myself when should I test, should I test, should I just say screw it.  

After much mental machinations/mastication, I have a plan (ish)--

be pregnant.

if not pregnant, cycle here at Dartmouth next month (July) for a billion reasons, all of which point to that being the right thing to do. 

Then, if not pregnant, my August travel may be right when I would want day 2 or 3 testing, so.... contact a clinic in San Diego near where I will be and ask if they will do my testing should it come up. If Dartmouth wants me to take a month off between cycles or no longer wants to cycle with me if I fail, make sure that testing covers all Boston's testing requirements. Then come home, do the invasive testing for Boston day 10ish, and then --

based on if Dartmouth will still cycle with us, decide what to do.

If Dartmouth says yes?  not sure. Will have covered my bases though...

if not? Cycle with Boston assuming test results do not make that impossible-- lupron starting day 21 for a September active cycle.

What if Dartmouth lets me cycle two months in a row? Not sure not sure not sure.

My darlin is a summer camp director, summer is hard logistically no matter what. it is easier to cycle here during the summer, 

but.

I'd love to sneak an IVF in here somewhere soonish if the back to nature cycle and subsequent IUI do not work.

Longer term--I have holiday plans in September and October. September, an art workshop that would suck to miss, but this wins.  October, my annual writing getaway with my dear beloved friend Tammy is planned and paid for, but even that will get bumped to second place if I am cycling. I will talk with her about it this week.

So, yeah, I am crazy-hyper-aware of my uterus, and my middle section in general, and wondering about any moment of thirst, about peeing, about tiredness, and hunger and gurgling gaseousness and ohferchrissakes

this consumes me.

on a positive note, I have the prettiest BBT chart that I have ever had.

maybe that means I'll get extra points.

and I ate my first blueberries up on the mountain yesterday-- a break in the rain, a hike up and back, blueberries ripen at the ends of the clusters first, and they were warm from the sun, and sweet and wild.

and then last night it rained so hard it came down like pennies, and rained and rained and rained.