30 June 2009

mid-wait babble

twinge-y.
crampy when I pee
I am SO CURIOUS
so curious I lost my mind and peed on a stick yesterday (WFT? 7DPO?) um, yeah.

Hello, my name is kate, and I am a hope addict.

So, anyway, lalalala nothing to see here.
it is raining.
it has been
It will be.
the gray is so pervasive it reminds me of all my years in Rochester
and my one damp year in Seattle
when the sky just stayed gray for days and the moon could have been any phase and how would I know?

When I lived in Seattle, I was a long way from my mom, so we made a deal, we would go out and both look at Orion. BUT once in Seattle, the gray was so pervasive, I only saw it a few times,
and remember the comet? Hale-Bopp? yeah. well. it was there for a long, long while before the night sky opened one night and I saw it for the first time and sweetly said holy fuck.

Yesterday there were breaks between the deluges. The sky split into actual clouds, and I got a treat of layers and layers of gray and steel gray and blue gray and gold-- cumulonimbus, and rain sheets, and sun beams and
then, this morning, fog was settled in everywhere.

Without the sump pump I would have an indoor pool in the basement.
And I think moss is growing behind my ears.

BUT, just like Seattle and Rochester, the flowers are amazing this year, and the green could not be greener, and I swear I could see things growing if I just stood still for a moment.

and me, smack dab in the middle of my two week wait and NOT getting extra points for patience. you should hear me: I am definitely pregnant. no I'm not. what was that? a twinge! like last time! I am definitely pregnant. no I'm not. what was that?....

good lord.

10 comments:

B. said...

I agree that 7dpo is a little early to POAS, but if I had any lying around, I'd most likely do the same thing. I'm trying to convince myself not to buy any peesticks this round. We'll see how long I can hold out.

I'm a hope addict too- and right now I am hoping more than anything that you get the two lines that you've worked so hard to see. It's a pleasure to be sharing this journey with you, Kate. And thank you for the warm, encouraging comments. They mean a lot to me.

Good luck to us both!

Nic said...

We are all hope addicts, its what keeps us going!! I have POAS 7 dpo. By doing that you are asking for pain and heart ache. Of course it wont say positive, its way too early!! I really hope that you do get your BFP this month, you deserve it.

sprogblogger said...

I am all for bingeing on hope! And yeah, 7dpo is too early, but in another couple of days? FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Damn, I want this for you. Very much, seriously, really.

K said...

Silly girl....but yeah. It sure is tempting to POAS, just about every day.

bb said...

Could you send some of that rain down to Texas? It has been record heat for 2 weeks and today we finally have a chance at rain.....!

On the wait... I would be doing the same thing and am so hopeful for you!! Did you read Mo and Will at Life in the Petri Dish today? It CAN HAPPEN. Hee hee!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Seattle has been strangely Sunny and warm for a long time recently, but it is green and vibrant. You are welcome to visit any time. Summer is much better for bright sunshine and hikes to waterfalls. As far as POAS 7dpo...well I guess you never know, but I'm way to chicken to do stuff like that. I'll be a hope cheerleader any time (even though I was a band geek in high school - SAXOPHONES RULE!)

IVF 40+ said...

here's my official stance, not meant to make you feel worse or fake hopeful, just it works for me: I am pregnant until proven otherwise.

In some way it relieves me from all the crap of not knowing but being hopeful anyway. Yes, the let down sucks but when does a negative preggers test ever feel less than sucky if you want a kid?
So, congrats! It was the fireflies that did it!

Michele said...

I dont think there is anything wrong testing every single day! POAS all you want! Fingers crossed. Really hopeful!

meinsideout said...

thanks for the smile...I hope (I love to hope) that a sweet positive comes your way soon.

Elizabeth said...

Isn't this all such a strange obsession - sure, then not sure, then sure again about one way or the other. And it's so consuming; thinking, feeling, thinking, hoping, google searching, thinking. Too bad none of it makes a difference. . .except in how we move through the days. Distraction sometimes worked for me; but also just enjoying the ride was good.

Keeping fingers crossed for you this cycle and also enjoying (like IF optimist) the sunny seattle area weather. Stop by if you visit!