01 July 2009

vicarious

If you want a little more evidence that good things can happen--
go see Mo and Will for some totally unexpected magic. Methinks Mo could use a little extra love in spite of the good. I imagine her emotional knees are pretty raw.


Thundery here
grumbling thunder that rolls in and out and brings more rain.
My house is tucked in so that thunder moves around in what feels like circles, a trick of echos, sound rebounding off this hill and that. So it is like thunder in surround sound.

I've got an upset belly this morning (guts not belly per se-- not morning sickness just yuck), and am starting slow. Tired tired. Much to blame it on in the outside world. Too scared to begin to blame it on the inside.

No symptoms other than peeing and twinging. 
So I imagine I am imagining things.

Last night as I was driving home past the cattle field that also houses one big dark brown donkey, I realized that I had better get at least some part of me ready for a negative and be ready to move forward. Since next week (!) I will be at CD1 and will be doing all the baseline testing by midweek and starting stims for the IUI/stim cycle with Dartmouth. I am not good with truth I don't like. I am an avoider. But in this I know I need to at least get my act together, have part of my brain ready to move forward in that direction.

But gosh darn, I am so hopeful, but also so not wanting to be crushed. But I know it is likely I will be. Again, I would not trade the hopeful for protection against the crush. But still it is hard to know it is probably coming.
 
So hope is hope.
And if that does not work, there's a plan.
But, as always
a plan is just a plan, and things often do go wrong or go in unexpected directions.
but sometimes, in spite of everything, they go just right.

Grooving on Sprog's news, on Bella's, on Dawn's, on Mo's.


6 comments:

Michele said...

We wont think about you being crushed... We are going to think about you joyous and having a long, happy, safe pregnancy. I am really hoping that you are pregnant and we are just waiting for confirmation. Really hoping. Fingers crossed and prayers said.

sprogblogger said...

I agree with Michele. There's a lot to be said for expecting the best, even in the face of long odds. Let's just operate under the assumption that you're pregnant, because you might be "an avoider" but you also seem pretty darned capable, so if you need to switch gears, you'll be able to do so without a problem.

But here's hoping you won't need to switch gears for, say, the next 8.5 months or so.

Babies for everyone!

Melissa said...

I agree with the others! I think hope is needed in this whole process, if we didn't have it we would give up after Try #1.

Mo and Will said...

Kate,

Hang on to the hope!!

Thank you so much for the warm wishes and the shout out on your blog.

Maybe it could work out for both of us, right? Just maybe? Wishing fervently.

Mo

IF Optimist, then... said...

I think the universe may be taking a small break from expanding and has been listening. There have been a lot of people waving their arms, pointing and calling out "Hey! Over there! Now over there!" The universe blinked and good news has hit Susan and then Mo and Will.

I'm jumping and waving and pointing east. "Over there! The cute redhead! Her now! Thanks very much!" Here's hoping the Universe blinks again this month. Until it does, I'll continue my silly dance facing east. :-)

onwardandsideways said...

Magic does happen. Wish so much I could wave a magic wand, sprinkle some dust and whisk you off to babyland... but I think you're gonna' get there, wand or no wand. I hope it's soon. I know how the waiting and wanting can wear away.

Wishing you strength and courage, as always.

Wish on a star this weekend.

:)