27 July 2009


Hey there.
so, I forgot the singular joy of frontal progesterone usage: bubbly pee.

I'll test wednesday night and not before.
No, I mean it. Really. I just don't believe I am pregnant, so I feel a little preemptively blue and oddly self protective. Those pee sticks are not calling my name yet. I guess I don't have much need to see more negatives than I need to.

Don't get me wrong, I can pretend-- say my sudden onset hydrophobia is pregnancy not rabies, I can say my evening belly yuckiness is pregnancy not stress, my tiredness yesterday may be pregnancy instead of a day where I could let down my guard with nothing planned, I can say my lack of interest in food is pregnancy not upset belly, and then my desire to graze on potato chips and fruit is pregnancy not just my own special weirdness, but really? I bet they are just what they are-- odd little things with no connection to what I am hoping.

No twinges, no secondary temp rise, no crampy awareness, no markedly sore breasts.
Just me.

Since it is an ongoing issue, I just wrote a whole barfing tirade about work unhappiness and then erased it. The bottom line is this: I wish I were in an economic situation where I could quit and still keep my house. My work feeds me in some ways, but drains me in too many others. Oh how I wish it were different.

So, it is monday- happy monday everyone!
Hope it is beautiful where you are, even if it is in the way the fluorescent lights refect off your coffee.
Breathing in light
Breathing out peace
All will be well


Anonymous said...

bubbly pea. In some wonderful places we could sell that for a small fortune.
Ah Kate, I still have my fingers crossed for you. Thinking of you.

just me, dawn said...

that makes me think of bubble tea....which I have never tried because the thought of tapioca in my tea makes me want to barf...fingers crossed for you my friend. may wednesday bring you joy :)

Sprogblogger said...

Still hoping for you.

And I SO know what you mean about work. It's hard - very hard - sometimes, giving so much of yourself and your time and your life to a place that does not nurture your soul.

Thinking of you (and crossing my fingers)

K said...

I liked the website from your last post, for us geeks. Thanks for sharing. Happy to be a geek anytime, BTW.

Eileen said...

I hope you are wrong and they are all pregnancy symptoms and your BFP is just around the corner. Can't wait to read your post on Wed.

Michele said...

sending warm thoughts

Barefoot said...

Oh, the symptoms. They are always such a joy to analyze (or overanalyze, as was always the case with me). I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Jenn said...

.....sending serene, quiet, and positive thoughts your way my sweet Kate!

Be in the moment if you can - it's about the journey after all (at least that's what people keep telling me...LOL)


Nic said...

Analyzing the potential signs and symptoms, every slight ache makes us wonder, hope and wish. Good luck for wednesday night. Keeping everything crossed for 2 lines!!
Thinking positive for you

Megan said...

I've not experienced bubbly pee yet...something to look forward to.

I hear you about wanting to quit work. I really don't understand how I am supposed to deal with all this and coworkers at the same time. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

So hoping for you. I read your blog at work - and it made me smile - taking happiness in the mundane.