26 July 2009


I decided I should stop counting, stop the incessant babble of 8 days 8 days 8 days.
But I am not sure I can.
When to test? Unlike other clinics, mine does not offer a beta for an IUI unless I get a positive test.
So, I can test, or not,
I could just wait for my temp to drop (will it on progesterone?)
or my period to come (ditto last question)

since there is nothing worse than starting the day with a surprising temp drop, I will probably test even though I am totally skeptical.
But when?
My one positive was not until day 12 (would be thursday). So I know I should wait that long. But can I? (history says it is doubtful).

My darlin' is not home the end of the week-- thurs-saturday. So... by the time he is back I will already know something. But I hate testing alone, it feels lonely I guess. I'll test with him on wednesday if not before.

Symptoms? Not really.
I hate water again. I did last time.

I stopped the DHEA which has made me feel much less sore breast-wise. Bummer and not, you know. I know you know.
I had to move the, um, region of progesterone suppository insertion from back to front since the GI insanity was just that, insane. All day, every day, gurgling madness followed by many mad rushes to the bathroom expecting calamity and other embarrassing issues. I am giving that part of my anatomy a few days off and I already feel better. All it takes is a lot of vaseline as a barrier for my other easily irritable tissues (the reason I made the switch in the first place) and very frequent panty shield changes (isn't this fun? really? such nice intimate details, so so so sorry).

For the geeks amongst us (we know who we are)-- here's a cool site with implantation information--clicking on the little <3> in the text takes you to another page with a cool timeline summary that I found very appealing.

And remember my friend Kate of the Yes, No, Maybe rollercoaster of the past week? She wrote to let me know she miscarried yesterday. Good god why does it have to be so hard. Losses suck, but she had what amounts to two in one week-- the first time she heard it was over from the dropping hCG levels, and then the actual loss after the amazing and miraculous ultrasound with heartbeat. What immense fortitude is needed to make it through that, and she is strong and resilient but oh, gosh darn, my heart breaks and I am all the way over here.
And our dear Michele is on bedrest at the hospital now, inverted and holding those precious babies for at least 3 more weeks please, then 3 more after that, and then 3 more.... makes my two week wait bitching look frivolous at best.

And me? frivolous bitching with a sleepy cat knotted up at my feet, and sunshine dappling in when the clouds let it, and rain that comes and goes, wind that tosses the leaves, and a small brown bird that sat on my railing for a long long time, tucked in its long legs and settled in as if it belonged.


Jenn said...

Hi Sweetheart,

Ugghhh - the middle of the dreaded 2WW - it's the absolute worst!

And I am going to offer up some assvice - in hopes it might help.
It is a bit TMI -but I figure we share everything else..why not?

When I was doing the progesterone suppositories - it was making my "outer lady parts" OH SO irritated!
I got a suggestion from a friend who had been using them too with the same problem.

She recommended using an applicator (the kind that come with Monistat or the like) to place the supp. as far up as possible. Then use pantyliner for the ...umm......leakage.

For me using the applicator totally helped curb the irritation!

Don't know if that would help you but thought I would share!

Hang tight hon...and know I am praying for you!!!


sprogblogger said...

Really cool implantation site - thanks!

Sorry about the irritation and mess with the pessaries. I've never had the irritation, but then, I insist on super-duper absorbent panty liners to keep the, er, leakage away from me. I use organic everything else, but for pessary-usage, I buy the highest-tech liners I can find (With Special Wicking Action!) and it seems to do the trick.

I get to stop using prometrium in another couple of weeks, and I'm almost looking forward to that more than I am the cessation of PIO. Pessaries are the nastiest.

But I still hope you have to use them for the next 10 weeks or so...!

Thinking of you.

IVF 40+ said...

Ah yes, the messy painful and wonderfully icky sups. As if this isn't all quite crap enough (no pun intended). But your comment about Kate and Michele - they made me pause. You're right. Finding balanced perspective is the key to this whole thing. Knowing that we are in the hoping stage might be the kick in the pants I need to stop being so painfully self absorbed!
Good luck dear Kate. With your hopes and your sore bits !

Mad Hatter said...

I can't believe we're both on the same dpo, but I am finding it very comforting to go through it together. I hear your dilemma about when to test...I'm not sure what to do myself. I think it's nice that your darlin's return gives you a reason to wait until a slightly later time to test. (But no one would blame you for testing earlier!)
Saying a little prayer that your cell clusters are making like that brown bird and settling in. XOXO

Anonymous said...

I am the worst when it comes to the sticks - I try to hold out as long as I can (for some reason, I think it is better) but it usually does not last long...I will support you - no matter how crazy early you test!

The suppositories have gotten better for me - it was such a drag the first week - but it seems to have gotten better - I am not sure why.

Nic said...

Sorry about the sups, I dont envy you! Nearly there on the 2ww! I wouldnt test yet, its too early and a negative will discourage you.
Take care, hang on a little while longer!

Mo and Will said...

Just catching up. It is NOT frivolous! The 2ww is the worst. altho as far as I can tell, most of this process stinks. Thanks for the welcome home! It's good to be back. Hang in there as long as you can w/ testing. I think earliest is 10dpo, but even with the most sensitive tests still only a 50% chance a negative means a negative. Thinking of you.


Grade A said...

I gotta go with Mo. Each stage is full of hope, fear and a lot more. Seeing the stories you posted gives perspective and certainly is sobering, but remember you are on your own path. I would give assvice on peesticks, but I know it's like resisting your favorite ice cream waiting for you in the freezer. Fingers crossed.

Megan said...

Good luck with waiting and testing. Bitch all you want, waiting is the worst.

Sarah said...

yes the progesterone can screw up your temps and delay your period (that's essentially what it is for), since it is the hormone that causes those things to happen in a "natural" pregnancy (are those real by the way)? so yes you should test at some point, otherwise you could be waiting a long time to figure out which way it went, which would of course drive anyone insane.

i would probably test wednesday too just to be able to share it, but that is pretty early and while a positive is possible, a negative wouldn't be all that meaningful yet, so you have to decide whether you want to let your hopes dangle you over a cliff like that for a few days or just wait for a more definitive answer.

Michele said...

i know the waiting sucks. fingers crossed for all good things.