31 July 2009

13dpo, dangnabbit

Um no.
Nothing. Nada. Rien.

A night of the kind of intense uterine cramps that came and stayed and were so intense they made me want to barf (not on one side only, smack dab in the central zone)-- I finally got up at 4am to get a tylenol and peed on the stick, certain CERTAIN that with all that drama internally that it must mean something good. Alas no. So, in spite of the drama the stick says doodoodoo
thanks for playing.

These night cramps are just like the ones I had during my pregnancy. Just like. And unlike period cramps. They are badbadbad at night, worse after I pee.
But during the day? almost gone.
I'm feeling only vaguely crampy today

Gah. I'll see what my temp does tomorrow.

This time, I don't really have a plan. I had a plan-ette-- my coordinating nurse said CD1? call, we'll do the baseline stuff day 2 or 3 and if all is well I can cycle again. If not, if there are leftover issues from this cycle (big ole ovaries), the cycle would be skipped.

I had a fantasy about getting the baseline stuff done for boston this time around, but you know what? I want to be able to do IVF<>

I am hopeful my next cycle at Dartmouth will be a good one, a MONITORED one, one in which good, higher chance-of-success options may be able to be played out, say, like, IVF for example.

It is 13dpo, so I know this is kind of winding down. Sprog's late positive gives me hope still. But this? This SUCKS. Statistically? not unexpected.
tell that to my heart. and crampy uterus. whatthefuck.

Last day training today, hope to surface and reconnect with you all soon.
Thanks for being so amazing with me.


B. said...

I'm still hopeful for you Kate! And, if it comes down to it, I have two 900IU Gonal-F pens, sealed and refrigerated since arrival, that you are more than welcome to have... IF it comes to that, and if Gonal-F is in your plans.

But I'm not giving up yet. On you, never. On this cycle, not until you have proof.

Mad Hatter said...

Oh, boo. I'm so sorry it was negative today. I agree that the cramps mean something is happening, or trying to happen. Continuing to wish and hope that it's still just too darn early!

Phoebe said...

Dang indeed. I hate the 2ww and the constant obsessing over cramps and pee sticks. I'm hoping that you've just got a late implanter in there, and it's too early to know anything yet!

alyssa said...

i've been waiting for this post. dang. sending good thoughts your way.

love you lots

K said...

Crap. And WTF? Of course, I'm still thinking that little bitch, Hope, might appear.

Sprogblogger said...

UGH!!! Shall continue to stalk your blog, hoping for better news.

So frustrating to be getting mixed messages from your body.

Megan said...

THinking of you and hoping you get good news over the weekend.

IF Optimist, then... said...

I am blurbling with frustration, hope and confusion on your behalf. Why does this all have to be hard? Take extra special care of your wonderful self this weekend.

Melissa said...

I'm still keeping the faith. If this cycle does end up being a bust however I do have about 450IUs of Follistim left over from my last cycle. If you are taking Follistim let me know and I can ship it to you ASAP!

IVF 40+ said...

it does suck but I am still a little hopeful. never know. never do.

Michele said...

damn... still crossing my fingers and hoping for you.

Elizabeth said...

Hopeful that the pee sticks come around. . .and hopeful that you can take good care of yourself over the next few days especially either way. What a roller coaster.

Anonymous said...

I so stinkin sorry about the negative. I am keeping it all crossed for you.

Mr. M was forcing me to go to bed early but I could not close my eyes until I stopped by. Thinking of you.

onwardandsideways said...

Oh, the times I've wanted to shake my fist at the sky for the suffering and the injustice that wreaketh The Infertility Bitch.

I wish things were more definitive. Sometimes I think it's all the limbo and waiting that makes those of us who go through this the most nutty.

You are a tough cookie to be waging these battles. I admire you and I send you boatloads of good luck and hope and strength.

I hope I will read a happy ending for you here one day on these pages, I really do.