05 July 2009


Facing my addiction:
these past few days I was away, and I left all pee sticks home and went cold turkey. It was nice to take a break from it, the crazy hopeful obsessive: How about now? No? how about now? desperately wanting to see that second line.

To be honest, I have none of those fabulously curious sensations at all in my uterus anymore, no twinges, pulls, cramps. No sore breasts. A little more than normal kate fatigue. But I have felt oddly vaguely queasy the past few nights and today a few times including gagging on my toothbrush. And queasy is not my thing. So I was hopeful in spite of the lack of mid section sensation.
but tonight
at the end of my evening hike, I discovered I was spotting just a little.
enough to feel my heart sink.
enough to feel this cycle is over.

13dpo (days past ovulation, also known as a day or two before my period)
this is the day where I got my surprise positive last time.
maybe I will be surprised again.

my darlin' works tonight so here's the deal:
I will do the pee stick thing when we talk tonight so I will share the news with him as it happens.
if it's negative, really negative,
here's hoping CD1(also known as my period, cycle day 1) comes quickly and definitively so I can move forward.

It's negative, not for lack of trying.


Anonymous said...

hoping and hoping and hoping for you.

Anonymous said...

I just saw your post on sprogblogger and got it - sorry for being dense - I am sorry it was negative. Thinking of you.

Sprogblogger said...

Oh I'm so sorry. I was so much wanting this one to work easily and quickly. Shall keep my fingers crossed for this next cycle coming up, and yeah, here's hoping CD 1 happens as quickly and painlessly as possible.

just me, dawn said...

i am so sorry that this cycle is bfn....sending you a hug!

Melissa said...

BIG Hugs. Sorry for the BFN.

Jenn said...

....taking you in my arms and giving you a big ole' squeeze!!!

I am really sorry this wasn't the cycle.

I hope CD1 comes quick so that you get to move onward and upward!

peace and love to you my dear!

Mad Hatter said...

I'm sorry, too...Sending you lots of positive thoughts for the next cycle, and promise I will be along for the ride to support you.

Elizabeth said...

Oh--that sucks. Just sucks. I'm sorry Kate, I wish to God there were something more to say. All there is is onward from here, as always, forward. Love to you,


IF Optimist, then... said...

Oh dear Kate, I am so sorry. I am frustrated and angry for you and your sweetie. I promise to hit my special place tomorrow morning and offer a prayer to the universe for better news next cycle. (Hugs) - Traci

Demara said...

Been there done that 9 cycles now! And counting not wanting to waste ridiculous money on negative desposable sticks!! Gosh its hard :(

Nic said...

Oh Kate, I am so sorry. I was really hoping that the good old traditional way which works for so many (just not us!) would work for you. You deserve it.
Lets welcome CD1 and crack on with this cycle. Always look forwards never backwards. Remember that although that was a no go cycle, you are now on a new one, a new chance and a new hope!
Take care and have a glass of wine!

B. said...

I'm so sorry Kate. This completely sucks. Just remember, it's not over until you decide it is. I'm hoping your CD1 arrives definitively and soon so you can move forward. You're in my thoughts.

Michele said...

SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry, Kate. This just pisses me off and saddens me beyond belief. Sending you a big hug and wishing I could do something more.

Grade A said...

Boo. Sorry. Sending you good vibes for this upcoming cycle. A big hug to you from me.

IVF 40+ said...

Crap and flotsam -that sucks. Sending you peace and comfort.

K said...

Yes, it sucks rocks.