I can't whistle: 3dpo

20 July 2009

3dpo

I had forgotten the progesterone gifts of instant fatigue and blueness. I have had sore breasts all this cycle for some reason, so that is not a sign I can count on for anything. Not just sore, but, touch them and die sore.

So, I am watching and waiting for something different, something something, but it is just day 3, and I know I will not know anything for days yet.
I need to be patient. Hold off my wondering until I get closer to the weekend. Take the week off from wondering, have a little holiday, go shopping, have fun.

Um no.
I realize that very little of this is ruled by the rational mind. Sometimes I wish Rational would rush in, all noble, and kick Crazy's ass. But then, Crazy believes in hope where Rational believes in statistics. With this in mind (or out of my mind) I am hoping like crazy that Crazy will win.

10 comments:

Michele said...: I hope Crazy wins too! Fingers crossed!!!; July 20, 2009 at 12:30 PM
Sprogblogger said...: Here's to Crazy! (though if she could lose a few battles to Rational, that might be the best thing.)

Seriously, I know how you feel. This whole process is crazy-making - and not in a good way.

I hope you can put it out of your mind for a few days (I know, I know, such a comedienne!) and concentrate on other things, but I know what a forlorn hope that is.

Thinking of you as I contemplate the nausea producing effects of a popsicle or two. Take care, sweetie.; July 20, 2009 at 12:32 PM
IF Optimist, then... said...: If I had a transporter machine, I'd beam us to a Karaoke bar and belt out Patsy Cline's "Crazy" for you. (I actually get standing ovations for that one, it's one of my karaoke best.)

So here's how to transport a couple of minutes of thinking away from TTC to other fun fantasy stuff:

What country/city should we transport to? What karaoke song would you sing for me?; July 20, 2009 at 1:54 PM
Eb said...: Lets scare crazy out of the closet and then we can kick rational's ass.; July 20, 2009 at 2:29 PM
Anonymous said...: GO CRAZY GO!!!; July 20, 2009 at 3:01 PM
Eileen said...: I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!; July 20, 2009 at 4:00 PM
Nic said...: Crazy is good, I want crazy to win!; July 20, 2009 at 4:44 PM
Joannah said...: I've been away and I didn't know you were doing this now. I hope and pray you will receive your heart's desire.

:-); July 20, 2009 at 9:09 PM
Mad Hatter said...: Mmm...yes, shopping is a most excellent distraction. I've been using a little retail therapy here and there and I am a firm believer! Be crazy AND shop - it's a win win!
P.S. Yes, you can post my Haiku - thank you! ;-); July 20, 2009 at 10:21 PM
Anonymous said...: Go Crazy!!!! I am so glad I read your post tonight - I am in this hotel bed - I just yakked (yay) and I forgot to put my progesterone in and you reminded me.

I hope you do have some fun. And we need Crazy to win.; July 20, 2009 at 11:15 PM

About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham