I totally agree with Grade A and IF Optimist in their kind and concerned comments on my last post-- to decide ahead of time what you are doing (IUI vs IVF) before you even know what you have to work with feels backwards. I agree- it does.
it seems somewhat realistic to plan for an IUI based on my lack of optimal response in two cycles
and it makes sense based on my so far consistently low number of antral follicles
and on our prior success with this very thing last time
...so in these ways it is not entirely crazy.
And one of the things it also does is take the pressure off of me to succeed/fail at IVF. I do not have to worry about the heartbreak of conversion and feeling like I failed. That really sucked.
And cynical/realistiKate says it also takes me out of the stats for the clinic -- If I am not a declared IVF cycle, then my probable IUI does not impact the stats as an IVF cancellation. And I asked, if I stim well I can possibly upgrade.
So, let's say I have 8 antral follicles like my first cycle, and let's say by some miracle I stim well and all 8 develop and maybe bring along some friends-- I asked, if I do well can I convert to an IVF? And the answer is Yes if the schedule allows. This is the other reality-- so much of this treatment stuff has to do with clinic schedule-- we take birth control for some of these cycles for two reasons-- to suppress but also to schedule, right? If I stim beautifully and we do not get to do IVF simply due to scheduling reasons, I will most definitely be bummed out/pissed off since I know it is our highest chance of success. So I can only hope that if this scenario happens, it will work out schedule-wise, and it will work out in every other way too.
In reality, I will know more at my baseline ultrasound-- my last one I had only 4 antral follicles and that was all that we ever had to work with that cycle, and one 6 week embryo and one empty sac said at least two of those resulted in eggs that fertilized and embryos that implanted. So I like thinking that could happen again (only better!).
So yes, I agree-- On the one hand, I do not like deciding which way we are going before we need to. But I also get why we are calling it this, and I also get that, with luck, if I do something amazing, we can call it something else.
Like, say, a baby.
Where does CCRM fall into this? My period is due any second-- seriously, I feel like a highly irritated water balloon with cramps and a headache and my temperature dropped precipitously this morning. And I want to move ahead NOW, I do not want to sit out a cycle. My talk with CCRM is not until next tuesday-- and if I get CD1 tomorrow, I may even be stimming by then. So, this is a cover-my-ass, hope-for-the-best cycle. I still absolutely want to know what they say and what they think, and if this cycle fails, we will take what they suggest into account as we look ahead as best we can emotionally/financially/logistically. Even if they say something inspiring, and we decide we can afford it, the next step is to schedule a one day workup in Colorado early in one of my next cycles. So this is about not waiting.
I welcome your opinions folks, I always do. This is the only IVF/fertilty clinic I've attended, and the only doc I have worked with, so my experience is limited. So please, feel free to share experiences, concerns and ideas. I am not offended at all since I know you are pulling for my success too.
One of the things I've learned so far on this IF journey is that a plan is just a plan-- reality may be (and so far, has always been) something entirely different. And who knows, maybe this will just work. Wouldn't that be cool?