12 November 2009


Today is my 1 year blog anniversary which I cannot quite believe.

This year has been full of celebrations and frustrations and sadness and a year of new connections and friendships, of love and support. I do not know where I would be without all of you.

My sister Sarah is the true cause of the ruckus since she is the one who suggested I start this blog when my "last" (HA, if only) IUI failed and I was on the road to IVF that December and January.

I felt so strange starting a blog, there are so many great blogs already out there, heck, I'd read a little pregnant and here be hippogriffs for years... what would I possibly have to say that is new? And then I realized that the very fact of writing provided some relief from the loneliness of this whole shitty thing since I could write whatever I wanted or needed to. If felt better to just to put it out there, send it out into the ether. And then, I joined cyclesista and found my posse! Folks who understood what I was going through since they were going through it too. Mo and Sprogblogger and Maredsous and Magsy and Elle and April and Sarah and t, and the next month Joannah and Megan and What If...the EB and Barefoot.... and musicmakermomma... I found others of you from blog lists, and others of you found me too.
And oh! The first time I had a commenter! Someone I did not know! (
B was my first not-previously-known-to-me commenter and such a sweet comment too! ) And I had no idea how wonderful that would feel, it was so incredibly affirming.

I cannot express how important it has been for me to find all of you. Thank you!

This has been one hell of a year. It has been a year where I have poured hope into cycle after cycle, and tasted brief, magical, magnificent success with our pregnancy, and then lost something so precious when it ended, and was (and will always be) heartbroken. I am trying, we are trying, we are hopeful, but we are bruised by the trying and failing over and over. So I am trying to begin to transition to accepting the idea that this road may end soon, and trying to have faith that another will begin.

Thank you so much for coming along with me on this crazy journey. I am so damn sorry for our common struggle, but am so grateful to have you all here.

And I wish beyond wishing that all our wishes come true.


Mo and Will said...

happy blogoversary!
I didn't realize we'd been blogging for almost the exact same amount of time. I feel so priviledged to be included in your posse! You're one of my favorite bloggers and your blog one of my favorite blogs. No matter how bad things get, you have a knack for turning to nature and to yourself and seeming to quiet yourself and just listen to what the world is saying. It's hard for me to hear what the natural world might be saying sometimes in Manhattan. I always leave your blog feeling more centered, more grounded, somehow ineffably better.

Thank you.

Now, please, Universe, can Kate, and Sprog, and I get off of this crazy roller coaster and get on with our lives already?! We're ready, more than ready for our wishes to come true.

so glad you're here, Kate.


B. said...

IF is the crappy thing that brought us together, but I am so thankful to have "met" you and Mo and Susan and so many other wonderful women who deal with the hope and heartbreak valiantly, rebelliously, and gracefully. I know how alone I felt when C and I got our initial diagnosis, and this community has helped more than I can say. I wish more than anything that we could translate our collective strength and resolve into BFPs for all of us. I'm wishing for your wishes, right along with mine.

Grade A said...

Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us; we are all in a better place because of you. Will be sending you lots of love on Monday and beyond.

Nic said...

Happy anniversary. I am sorry this year has been such a struggle and full of ups and downs.

I love this blogging IF community, it keeps me going, gives me hope. Love reading your blog, always look forward to a post from you

Take care and hope this dream comes to us all soon

karen alonge said...

happy anniversary! I'm so glad you are here sharing of yourself so freely and beautifully. my thoughts are with you. xo

Kate said...

Ditto what Mo said, including that about you guys finally getting off the TTC rollercoaster and onto the pg/Mommy one.
Even if no one commented on my blog, ever, I'd still keep going. Journal-writing was never my forte, but it's a lot easier to pour out your random thoughts onto the computer. And the fact that some people out there read it, and get it, and support you, when people IRL just don't/can't, is bloody fantastic. Even when it sucks because other IFers keep getting pg around you, it's still nice to have the option to read what they have to say, and gather some inspiration or hope for continuing your own journey.
Happy blogversary!

Jenn said...

Sweet sweet Kate,

Happy Blogoversary to you! I can only ditto what everyone else said! It may have been trials and tribulations that brought us all together but I am ever so grateful to have you as part of my bloggy world! You are one of my favorites!

I have been praying up a storm for you - and sending out as much "magical BFP cycle juju" as I can!

Know that I will be holding your hand to my heart when you go in for retrieval Friday!


IF Optimist, then... said...

First of all congratulations on your blogiversary. Your sister was a genius to suggest it and I'm so glad you decided to share your journey with us. I've said it once and I'll say it again, reading your writing, consideration and thoughts have made me a better person. I have greater perspective, more thoughtfulness and a calmer soul because of it.

Just consider what you have done by example. Encouraging us to take 10 seconds and really appreciate the of special beauty of each day. (http://i-cant-whistle.blogspot.com/2009/08/things-we-love-for-10-seconds-at-time.html)

You are kind and remarkable and a wonder. I truly hope that this is it, your cycle works and all our dreams come true. Is that too much?

What IF? said...

Thank god for your sister's encouragement, for without her one of the most profound voices would have been silent.

Thank you for being such a force in my life, for seeing the world the way you do, and for finding the silence, center and beauty amid the maelstrom.

May Friday the 13th truly be your lucky day. I'll be thinking of you more than ever tomorrow.

Pundelina said...

I'm echoing Mo identically, 'cause from being surprised to realise that we've been blogging the same amount of time, to wishing that we all get to climb off the god-awful rollercoaster, her sentiments are exactly mine.

Thank you for sharing your worldview with me, I love your quiet graciousness.


PS I hope your trigger went fine and the pick up is smooth!

Illanare said...

Happy blogoversary, lovely Kate

alyssa said...

happy anniversary sweet kate. sending groovy positive vibes your way.

Mad Hatter said...

Happy Anniversary, my friend. My blogosphere would not be complete without you.

Phoebe said...

Happy Blogoversary. It's so nice to have company in the "fertile forties" club. Your writing is awesome, not like my boring drivel.

Anonymous said...

Your wise words. Your caring comments. Your grace. For these and more I have been hoping all your wishes come true since the first time I stumbled upon your blog. Happy Anniversary sweet Kate. I love reading about your IF journey, but with all my heart I'm looking forward to reading about happier journeys to come.

Billy said...

Happy Blogaversary!

Michele said...

happy blog birthday!