In the midst of the doubled over pain, of course all I could think of was the babies--
and so, today, a return to skepticism and worry. But each time I went to the skeptical place, I tried like hell to bring myself back to now- to the possibility of a positive outcome. Some sort of shitty IF meditation, bringing my thoughts back over and over and over.
I get my "preliminary" beta on wednesday-which will be a mere 12dpo, and I will pee on a stick first just because I will.
But I also know that with our one pregnancy, I did not have a positive pee stick until 13dpo. Not that any one cycle is anything like any other-- but... I guess I do not know the right thing so I am just trying to figure it out as I go. My darlin' will be away until friday, but that is the day of beta2.
They gave me the option to not know the preliminary results. But I do not think I can wait, no, I cannot wait to know until then, although, no matter what, I will be waiting for those results on friday for confirmation or a surprise positive, for reassurance.
Sweet Traci got a great ultrasound today-- 2 monsters looking good! WHOO HOO! and Illanare wrote a lovely piece on hope and could use an infusion of support. I hope to catch up with more of you tomorrow.
Between now and then, as my head roars and I find myself in the place of worry and emptiness and discouragement, I will bring myself back, again and again to the place of hope.