1 day before three day transfer and I am sitting here in a state of high vibration. I'd call it butterflies but that is not sufficient, it feels too tectonic. I am scared people.
Each time the phone rang today, my heart leapt into my throat, and I panicked. As I told Jules in a comment, I did not realize how I was thinking of my embryos, but each time the phone rang I worried something might have gone wrong with our babies.
Oh sweet kate, there is a friggin long road between embryo and baby.
Yeah, I know. But this was my instinctive immediate response. Not my rational thoughtful educated response.
I am scared about what, it not working, being hideously uncomfortable during the transfer, losing sphincter control (thank you gassy progesterone suppositories with oily discharge! Gotta Luv Ya!)
I did not hike today- still crampy and uncomfortable from the retrieval which is weird, so I realized that while my mind needed a hike more than maybe most anything, my body needed to be more peaceful.
So, we did errands and I cleaned (not aerobic) and sorted and did laundry and threw out a bunch of expired mysteries from the closet in the bathroom.
And now, I am tired and on the sofa, watching football, eating leftovers and it is just 7:30. how the heck will I make it to tomorrow. to 9 when we leave. to 11 when I arrive with a bladder filing just so, to 11:30 when my two are gently put back where they should be.
It is the oddest thing ever having them there, and me here. I never expected it before I experienced it. I did a better job realizing it this time since last time was so acute.
So, t-16h and I am talking myself up, trying to stay hopeful. But scared howls at the door.