22 November 2009

hopeful

Sorry for the sudden quiet- I'm ok- I was away unexpectedly, visiting my sister these past few days and arrived home tonight just after dark, with a crescent moon in the south, and a ribbon of gold on the western edge of the horizon.

I had some pinching and faint cramping for a while yesterday which made me feel hopeful, and some queasiness last night (?).... well, hm.. I lay very still hoping it would go and hoping it would stay-- I am not a queasy person. It went away and I slept.
But I am hopeful.
And I am scared because I am hopeful.

I am bone tired at 7pm, blame the early dark, easy thing to do as this time of year is hard for me- I crave sunlight and daylight and feel as if I just need to make it one more month until the solstice.

Two nights ago I lay in bed with my darlin and told him I did not think it had worked, did not think I was pregnant, and he said, which wolf are you feeding?
I laughed since that is my own internal line, not one I have heard spoken. But it was true, we both were. I did not think I was pregnant, but how can I know? I both wish I could know and am so grateful I cannot know yet- there is still time for positive possibility. And, as Doug said, I do not know that I am not pregnant, so why not believe that I am?

And now, after yesterday's sensations and today's craving for salsa and sudden exhaustion, I wonder.








18 comments:

Kate said...

Here's hoping those weird symptoms are right!
Glad Doug can help keep your mind in a happier place.

Kim said...

sounds like you have a wonderful husband. i also have a love/hate relationship with symptoms. i dont want to read too much into them, but then also happy about the possibility of them.

you're getting closer! ive learned the hard way the last couple days are the worst. praying for better days for you.

Jem said...

How about, "you are getting pregnant?" It's a continuum.

I agree with the hubster, keep feeding the positive wolf.

Jem

meinsideout said...

hoping

Rain Child said...

I am hoping for you! And I also agree with your DH...positive baby! Ya gotta think positive.

sprogblogger said...

I say craving of salsa is a most excellent sign. And, damn, you might not be feeling super-duper positive, and I get that, but oh MY! am I ever wishing and hoping and thinking good things for you this cycle. Eat the salsa. (Baybees LURVE salsa!) And, yeah, enjoy being PUPO, because, really, why the hell not? Grab the happy where you can. Won't hurt, might help. Thinking of you & glad all is well. I was out of town & grew concerned when there were no posts on my reader from your site. Shall continue to stalk. It's what I do...

Elizabeth said...

Yay for cravings. Yay for hope! Love to you,
Elizabeth

MMR said...

Thanks for you comment the other day. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Dear Kate, I can see why you love Doug so much. He cares and is in tune with you on a level with deep understanding. That is worth more than all the gold in the world. You never know until truth is presented to you, so enjoy it. Revel in it. Respect and love those inside you right now who are trying their best to stay. Cramping and pinching are good signs. They are trying and need you to believe in them. Any bit of magic helps in their long hard road. I am hoping and cheering so much for you. Big love and admiration and hugs floating through the moonlight eastward. -Traci

Nic said...

I am hopefull too! I like to think pregnant until proven otherwise!
Thank you so much for your sweet, kind words. It is great to have so much support from everyone.
I shall be checking back in a few days after my lap. I really hope that there is a BFP to greet me when I get back to your blog.
Take care
Positive thinking
Keeping everything crossed for you
Nic x

Jenn said...

.......sending over lots of tasty snacks and goodies for the POSITIVE wolf my sweet!

Figured if you were having a hard time feeding him, I would gladly lend a hand.

Doug sounds like a true soul mate to me hon!

hugs and prayers your way

B. said...

I'm feeding the positive wolf for you! Twinges and cravings are good. Very good. I had none and I remember how rough the second week was. Keep busy, and you'll know soon enough. Today, you are absolutely PUPO.

Joannah said...

I'm hopeful for you!

K said...

It's impossible to know for sure, so PUPO is the operative feeling, I do think. I am with you on the sunlight and the darkness, and the solstice that is a month away, and feeding the wolves. Soon you will know.

Illanare said...

Wishing and hoping hard for you, lovely Kate.

onwardandsideways said...

Hoping for you, girl. LET THIS BE THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michele said...

being hopeful with you. so very hopeful. I want this for you, Kate, like I wanted my own pregnancy. I am praying to every god in the universe that this is the one for you.

Billy said...

I am so hoping for you :-).

(and I so know that being scared because you are hopeful)