Apparently, thanks to all of you who commented, I am actually normal! How cool is that? I am feeling MUCH much better about the cramping thanks to all of you-- I am looking at it is as very positive sign and a wonderful reminder that something is actually happening in there.
Yesterday I had a truly shitty and unexpected non-pregnancy related stress bomb-- the kind that sends adrenaline surging through your system, heart pounding hard and fast, crazy shaky stress. I kept saying to my self, calm down calm down you have to calm down for the baby. But it took a while, 45 minutes maybe, for the episode to be over and the whole time I was so incredibly pissed off at the person who catalyzed it since it felt like it had put my pregnancy in danger, and I was so worried I might be harming this little being I am growing, and good lord it was stressful. I'd already read a long time ago about gestation and acute grief (I had come across the paper quite by accident) and the study I read showed no ill effects on the developing baby, but goodness, I am sure it effects it somehow-- talk about being awash in chemical soup! I just tried to calm down as quickly as I could. I kept saying to the little one, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this will pass quickly, don't worry, hang in there.
But it highlighted a really amazing change that has happened here. I am a pretty self centered person. Not in a *bad* way but in the way that happens from being single for a long while, living by myself, being independent and only needing/wanting to rely on myself sort of way (I am fun to be in relationship with, let me tell you- no laughing Jane). But in that moment? Instead of worrying about me and being self-protective, I was worried about the baby.
Holy shit folks, I think I may actually be pregnant.