09 April 2009

nearly normal

Apparently, thanks to all of you who commented, I am actually normal! How cool is that? I am feeling MUCH much better about the cramping thanks to all of you-- I am looking at it is as very positive sign and a wonderful reminder that something is actually happening in there.

Yesterday I had a truly shitty and unexpected non-pregnancy related stress bomb-- the kind that sends adrenaline surging through your system, heart pounding hard and fast, crazy shaky stress. I kept saying to my self, calm down calm down you have to calm down for the baby. But it took a while, 45 minutes maybe, for the episode to be over and the whole time I was so incredibly pissed off at the person who catalyzed it since it felt like it had put my pregnancy in danger, and I was so worried I might be harming this little being I am growing, and good lord it was stressful. I'd already read a long time ago about gestation and acute grief (I had come across the paper quite by accident) and the study I read showed no ill effects on the developing baby, but goodness, I am sure it effects it somehow-- talk about being awash in chemical soup! I just tried to calm down as quickly as I could. I kept saying to the little one, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this will pass quickly, don't worry, hang in there.

But it highlighted a really amazing change that has happened here. I am a pretty self centered person. Not in a *bad* way but in the way that happens from being single for a long while, living by myself, being independent and only needing/wanting to rely on myself sort of way (I am fun to be in relationship with, let me tell you- no laughing Jane). But in that moment? Instead of worrying about me and being self-protective, I was worried about the baby.

Holy shit folks, I think I may actually be pregnant.

2 comments:

karen alonge said...

*grin* yep.

and dont' worry -- that chemical soup thing is more about chronic states of extreme stress than acute ones. and even then, Mother Nature knows how to protect our little ones.

furthermore, your instincts directed you perfectly to provide the perfect antidotes - awareness and communication. that's some awesome parenting right there: Sh-t happened, you acknowledged that something had happened, you stayed close and connected to your child while you dealt with it, when it was over you talked about it, and then you moved on. See what a great mama you are already? :)

meinsideout said...

yes, you are! I am sorry you had such a stressful moment - I know how those feel...