I can't whistle: perfectly great

One embryo, in the right place, measuring 6w 2d. And we got to see the heartbeat (HOLY SHIT FOLKS).
One bittersweet moment: seeing an empty second sac. That explains a lot of what I was feeling and supports my own intuition. So while it was affirming, it was very sad.

But it was the best news possible to see our little one defying the odds just by being there.

The doc laughed, beamed, smiled and shook his head, said he SURE would not have bet on it.

And with that and a small lecturette on prenatal nutrition, I officially graduated from the faraway fertility clinic to the much more local maternal and fetal medicine guy since I am of advanced maternal age. I already know that I like him a lot, having met him once before all of the fertility/IVF hootenany. He is geeky and competent and has a very no nonsense no bullshit way about him while still being humane. Am waiting back to hear when our appointment will be.

I promise to post a photo later on.**updated as promised! This baby is zoomed waaaay in. That gestational sac is about 1.6cm along the long avocado axis.**

About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham

20 comments:

Grade A said...: WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! That is so exciting, Kate. I am thrilled for you. Enjoy, enjoy and live in the moment.; April 13, 2009 at 3:14 PM
Nic said...: Thats great, I am so happy for you!! Really want to see pictures!Pleased all is well with your one fighter!! x; April 13, 2009 at 3:19 PM
Sprogblogger said...: WOOHOO!!!!! Fantastic news! Looking forward to seeing pictures!; April 13, 2009 at 3:36 PM
Searching for Serenity said...: Fantastic news and congrats on your 'graduation'.

I'm so happy for you!; April 13, 2009 at 3:39 PM
karen alonge said...: this is awesome news! congratulations hardly seems like a big enough word, but it's all I have for now....
xo; April 13, 2009 at 3:53 PM
@alyssa ettinger said...: kate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; April 13, 2009 at 3:53 PM
cady said...: i'm so glad you got to see the heartbeat. that really comforted us when we went in for our u/s last week.; April 13, 2009 at 4:08 PM
Eb said...: Wow, amazing. congratulations.
EB; April 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM
JB - A.K.A. Jenn said...: Truly a bittersweet moment!

I am so thrilled you got to see that lil heartbeat! Congrats mama!

HUGS; April 13, 2009 at 5:59 PM
Anonymous said...: yay - congrats!!! that is incredible news, I got goosebumps and I am sorry to hear about the empty sac - ((HUGS)).

you are giving me hope.; April 13, 2009 at 7:00 PM
K said...: Most excellent! Congrats....will keep checkin up on you. :) K.; April 13, 2009 at 7:01 PM
Joannah said...: I'm so sorry about the empty sac, but thrilled to know that your other little one is thriving. It really is a miracle considering how it all began, huh?

I'm really happy for you!; April 13, 2009 at 7:46 PM
Anonymous said...: yay yay yay yay yay! i'm so excited about this beating little heart! at the same time i'm sorry about the empty sac. i'm sure that's difficult to see.

oh lady, this is one very happy day. i wish i could jump up and down with you. ok maybe jumping isn't the best thing right now. how 'bout a really big hug.; April 13, 2009 at 10:37 PM
Sarah said...: We just peeked in at your blog to get an early look at our niece or nephew. All teared up. I am so happy for you.(((Kate))); April 14, 2009 at 7:59 AM
Anonymous said...: So excited! Can't wait to hug you on Wednesday. Peeka will be so thrilled to have a little friend, not that she doesn't just love Finnegan!; April 14, 2009 at 9:41 AM
B. said...: Hurray! Congratulations on graduating out of the fertility clinic. The beauty of a beating heart... I can only imagine how relieved you must have felt, and I am thrilled for you!; April 14, 2009 at 11:29 AM
onwardandsideways said...: Yeah! Congratulations! What a relief that must have been (although I understand sadness at the 2nd empty sac.) You are beating some rather amazing odds, and I love it.

P.S. Thanks for the award! : ) Will respond to that shortly on my blog.; April 14, 2009 at 12:21 PM
Barefoot said...: Hooray and congratulations!! Such wonderful news.; April 14, 2009 at 12:43 PM
daves51 said...: Very beautiful in every way.; April 14, 2009 at 2:23 PM
Maredsous said...: It has your eyes!!! Words cannot begin to describe the joy I feel for you. So happy to have such a perfect thing happen to such a nice person.

Keep us posted.; April 14, 2009 at 5:46 PM

13 April 2009

perfectly great

20 comments: