I can't whistle: 269

30 March 2009

269

Just got my results from today's surprise blood test:
BETA 269
"A really good number" they say.
Holy shit folks, this means I am most definitely pregnant.
(The IF in me hastens to add, I mean, in this moment)

HOLY SHIT
did I mention-- holy shit? no?
I am completely stunned.
The folks up at Dartmouth whooped and hollered.
I cannot think of a nicer thing to hear than that. Last time they saw me I was in tears.
So
This? this is good.

My next beta is wednesday. Then, if all goes well, again on friday. Then maybe next friday (10th) or the following monday (13th) we'll do a scan to see where things are. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Damn this IF/IVF/ART hootenany for stealing my ignorant bliss.

This is the crazy kind of happy. The kind of happy even when you know better. Please let me be right.

10 comments:

Peaches said...: CONGRATS!!! You are surely pregnant, that is a great beta!!!
Enjoy every moment!!!! Don't let IF steal that...; March 30, 2009 at 2:22 PM
Anonymous said...: Woohoo! You sure sound pregnant to me! Enjoy it - I know I'm trying to enjoy my own surprise & not let the fear get in the way of that. So happy for you!; March 30, 2009 at 2:28 PM
Elle said...: I just happened to drop in, and THIS is your news???? OMG, Kate, I am just so freaking happy for you right now, I can hardly stand it. Yay, yay -- a thousand yays!!!

Enjoy this -- you deserve it. You're pregnant today, and that means that today is a good day.

Full of happiness for you,
Elle; March 30, 2009 at 2:38 PM
Eb said...: Why Kate, today you have 269 reasons to celebrate!!! How wonderful. Words fail how happy I am for you
EB; March 30, 2009 at 2:49 PM
Anonymous said...: holy moly! kate!!!! i'm so excited for you and just whooping for joy in my living room. yaya ya yayayayay!!; March 30, 2009 at 2:56 PM
Nic said...: OMG!! Congratulations, I am so excited! Fingers crossed for weds!!! Yay!!; March 30, 2009 at 5:16 PM
Anonymous said...: Yay!!! Congratulations!; March 30, 2009 at 8:34 PM
Joannah said...: You are a lucky dog, my friend! That's an awesome BETA.

I have thought of you several times today, and I am just so happy for you. You deserve this! Enjoy every minute of it.

:-); March 30, 2009 at 9:00 PM
What IF? said...: Oh my! oh my! oh my! I can hardly believe it, so I'm sure you must be in an utter state of disbelief and shock (the good kind). After the cycle conversion to IUI and everything else going wrong, I'm *ecstatic* for you, Kate!

Universe, halloooo?? Please pay attention: *THIS* is how it's supposed to go!

I can understand the caution, and would surely feel the same way if I were ever to get a ++ beta, but for now: relish every positive pee stick and every doubling beta. This is your turn. Finally! :D

Congratulations.; March 30, 2009 at 9:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Yay! Yippee! And Yahoo! That is awesome news. I am so thrilled for you. Can't wait to hear more.; March 30, 2009 at 10:39 PM

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About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.
Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.
I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."

--Abraham